I’ve never liked to brag and run the risk of sounding tacky. I am not in the business of making other people feel good because I learned early on not to give empty praise. But I also am very conscious of not making other people feel small. And so, if I can help it and when it’s not necessary, I keep my achievements to myself. Even with friends.
Don’t get me wrong, though—I am a confident woman. I own my achievements; I just don’t advertise them. Instead of deflecting and making other people feel uncomfortable, I’ve learned to accept compliments gracefully. One of the necessary skills that have brought me this far in my young career is my ability to advocate for and defend myself under the right circumstances (hiring interviews, employee evaluations, performance check-ins, etc).
But I don’t seem to know what to do when other people downplay my efforts and achievements. They make it seem small by implying it’s an easy undertaking. It’s frustrating when I know how hard I worked and continue to work, and when I’ve sacrificed a lot others don’t even think twice to sacrifice. How dare anyone call it easy?
Sometimes, the only way they can wrap their heads around how I was able to do certain things was to justify that I had help. I notice they do this when they don’t believe they can do it themselves, on their own. So I know it says more about their own insecurities than my capabilities. But still.
It’s a common theme when on the topic of finances as a young, middle-class woman in the Philippines. Yes, I am provided some footing others don’t have in life. But people can exaggerate. They insinuate I am provided allowances or a lump sum of financial help by my father. I remember running on my own savings while in between jobs years ago and someone assumed my boyfriend was funding my lifestyle. Both are ridiculous. The only reason I keep my mouth (mostly) shut is that I don’t want to make the men in my life look bad in any way, even though I may not mean it, just to save my own skin. Should I just have told the world exactly how I handle my finances? Or broadcast every adversity I encounter? Or detail my work ethic in the guise of complaints? But that’s none of their business.
You’d think it shouldn’t matter, but it does bother me. Because while I don’t boast, I know very well how to defend myself, but I refuse to do so at others’ expense. And I guess the biggest thing that irritates me is why it’s so difficult to accept a woman’s achievements that they have to devalue them or give the credit to someone else.
Perhaps, I should just continue with the snide clap backs and dodge the need to explain myself. It’s not my responsibility to lead others who lack the self-awareness to some much-needed reflection, anyway. One day, I’ll be able to get to the other side and their voices will be out of my earshot; their comments, too far to reach me.